I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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