can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My liver just had a heart attack.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
