I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
