can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
