She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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