found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
