Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
