she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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