Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
