I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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