So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
