Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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