my mouth tastes like poor choices
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
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