Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
