The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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