Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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