OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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