So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
