Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
that is very illegal...i love you.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
