my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
