Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm always down for nudity.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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