just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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