i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
