i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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