Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
