Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
