Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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