I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
