We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
These tits shall not be calmed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
