I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
