She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
