if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
