Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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