he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
