**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
