its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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