If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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