Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
