I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
