why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
