Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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