All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize