...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
