Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
