She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
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Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
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