The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
