Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
