My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
