fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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