After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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