I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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