Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
