My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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