He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Too much gin, very little bucket
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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