New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
