i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
