i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All I want is dick and wine.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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