every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
