Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
