you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
