Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
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Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
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Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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