I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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