Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
