Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
