I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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