Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
