so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
