We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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