I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
