We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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