there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The best revenge is premature balding
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
