Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
