omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
