fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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