my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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