I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
