I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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