just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
