I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
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