you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
